To Poo in Peace

I really miss being able to take a dump in peace.
Nowadays, The Boy is with me EVERY single SECOND of every day. I can't even poop by myself. Today, i opened the door to the downstairs bath to go in and poop (The Angelic Husband wasn't there) hoping that The Boy would just play quietly, but nope, he wants to be where mommy is. Sitting on the throne. So, he rolls his little Tykes car (not so little!) into the bathroom as far as he can get it (about halfway in) and then cries because it won't go in any further and he can't get in past it. So, i push it back out, knocking him over. He cries. He comes around and grabs the metal trash can from next to the toilet and puts it up on my legs. He takes it back off and sets it on the floor, rummaging through it. He pulls out a used t.p. cardboard roll and tries to put that in the toilet from behind me. I take it from him and put it and the trashcan in the sink where he can't reach it. He cries. He then stands up and tries to put the lid on the toilet WHILE I AM SITTING THERE. CAN'T YOU SEE MAMA'S TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT?!!!! After he bangs the lid of the toilet against my back about 500 times, he sits down and starts pulling toilet paper off the roll. I take some of it to use (I am, miraculously, finished pooping) and stand up to wipe. He tries to put an extra roll of paper in the toilet. I have one hand with a poopy piece of toilet paper, my pants are down around my ankles and the other arm is trying to keep him from playing in the poopy toilet.
Is it so much to ask for a peaceful poop??