The Rings

No, I'm not so mad that I will stop speaking to you forever. I am not so selfish as to cut off my nose to spite my face, and prevent my children from seeing their grandparents, and all over a couple stupid rings. But I am so angry, more angry than I ever remember being. I feel disappointed in your greed. I feel that you betrayed Grandma's wishes with your silly selfishness and desire to impress other's with money.

But could you blame me if I did stop talking to you? Dad, how is this any different than you not speaking to your cousin for 15 years over a few household items? You were angry because he didn't follow your aunt's spoken wishes. (Make a will, people!) And I am angry for many more reasons. At least your cousin did it blatantly.

Mom, you lied about it. I asked why you weren't wearing the rings, and I cannot remember what you said, but it definitely wasn't "Daddy and I traded in your dead grandmother's wedding band and engagement ring to buy me this huge rock." What you had told us about your new ring was that you had traded in your wedding band and engagement ring. BIG difference. You say that you had no idea that we would care. If that is true, why would you have bothered to lie or cover it up? We are not stupid. Don't treat us like we are.

And then, Dad, you go and pull your grandmother's ring out of the safety deposit box, the one that you had given to Lisa years ago, then promptly taken back to put in the safety deposit box for safekeeping, as if Lisa couldn't possibly understand the sentimental value you had for an object that belonged to your grandmother. Ponder this, Daddy: How would you have felt if Grandma and Pop had taken your grandmother's ring and sold it? How would you feel if you never had the opportunity to give it to one of your daughters? Did it ever occur to you that Lisa or I might want to give our grandmother's ring to one of our children? That in selling that ring, you were taking a family heirloom away from Matilda or her future cousins?

Sure, Lisa and I have other things that belonged to Grandma; You graciously let us divide up all the [worthless, except for sentimental value) costume jewelry that she owned. I have the rings that you gave me when I moved to Denver. The little golden "bow" ring is one of my most cherished possessions, because Grandma always let me wear it. I treasure all of it. But Grandma always said that she wanted Lisa and me to have all of her rings when she was gone. When that time came, you told us that since Mom had worked so hard with taking care of Grandma and Pop, that you "wanted to let her wear grandma's rings."

Did you see Lisa and I disagree? No. You know why not? Because you said, "Let her wear," as in "borrow." Lisa and I love and respect Mom for all the work she has done with Grandma and Pop, and in no way begrudged her the wearing of Grandma's rings. Anyway, we knew that they would be ours one day. But if we had known that you were going to sell grandma's rings? Well, that is a different story. That possibility never even crossed our minds, because it would be such a slap in the face to us and to Grandma. What do you think Grandma would have thought about you selling her rings, instead of giving them to her granddaughters? She would have been really, really pissed off in the Butler way.

You can say that "the rings weren't worth anything" and "you didn't know we would even care." But if they weren't worth anything, then why let Mom wear the cheap pieces at all? Why trade them in at all? Their sentimental value far outweighs any pricetag you might attach to them.

You might have known that we cared if you had bothered to ask us. Why didn't you ask us? After all, they were supposed to be ours one day. Grandma said so. We do care. We would liked to have had her wedding rings. Not because they were diamonds. Because they were hers and we loved her and because that is what she wanted.