Why?

Why is it that the following happens the morning after I drank a bottle of wine and stayed up until midnight?

• I have a sleepless night after the alcohol dies on me (to quote my batty late Aunt Dot).
• I get an upset stomach at 5:30 a.m., can't fall back asleep, but make a vain attempt anyway.
• Matilda wakes up her usual cheerful self, but then it becomes apparent that she isn't quite her self today. She whines for the whole morning until naptime.
• I put Matilda down for a nap (which only lasts 40 minutes) and meanwhile, Rollie has decided he wants to fly without a net (wear undies only) today. I haven't been able to coax him to do the underwear in days, but then he decides he wants to on the day that I least want to clean up poop.
• At about this point, upset tummy starts to go away, so I lay down on couch while Tiller finishes nap. I wake to Rollie spitting his water out on me. At this point, we are on about the fifth timeout of the morning.
• Tiller wakes up, screaming bloody murder.
• We come down, feed her, then put her down on the floor where she usually keeps herself occupied for a good 30 minutes to an hour. Not today. She sits and cries and screams. I figure she is either sick or teething, so I feel her. No fever. No other signs of sickness. I give her a cold teething ring. She continues to cry for the next 30 minutes while I make lunch.
• I feed both kids, and she cries the entire time.
• I finally sit down to eat lunch, and then Rollie says, "poop," and attempts to get to the bathroom in time but doesn't make it. I put my lunch on the counter and go to check out the damage and he has his underwear off one leg, with one foot planted in the poop. There are other poop piles trailing to him from his mad dash. He then decides he still needs to go, so climbs up on the toilet and smears poop all over it as he does so.
• He flushes toilet and hose inside toilet breaks and i have water spewing out of the back of the toilet, all over the wall, the baseboard, the floor, and the toilet itself.
  
• I clean up poop from floor and toilet, then put a diaper back on Rollie, and clean him up.
• I clean up water around toilet.
  
• I wash my hands, then go back to my lunch in the kitchen to find the fucking cat eating my tuna sandwich. (For those of you who know my cats, i bet you can guess which one it was. The little fucker. The little pork chop carryin' fucker.)

Anyway, the kids are napping now, and I am just waiting for the next wave.

Oh, great. Dinner is burning. Gotta run.