Yes. I am like, TOTALLY thirteen.

So, Todd has been watching Digging for the Truth on History Channel. I, on the other hand, am watching its host, Josh Bernstein (a.k.a. The Jewish Indy,) the real-life embodiment of my fictional crush, Indiana Jones. Which got me to thinking about my fictional crushes. Come on, you know you have them, too. They're fun, highly unlikely to come to fruition, and not off-limits to the married. Just for kicks, I will now reveal to you the frighteningly dark reaches of my mind. I present to you my top five fictional crushes*:

5. Han Solo
Han Solo appeals to the teenager in me wanting to piss off Daddy. What better way than to hop into the Millenium Falcon with a dashing, leather-clad, good-looking renegade smuggler with a scathing wit, whose best friend is a long-haired . . er. . . Wookie. Added plus: Keeps well on ice.

4. Bruce Wayne
A.k.a. Batman. I have always liked the darkness and sadness of the Batman character, but dear God, when Christian Bale (star of my Top Five Celebrity Fucks list) was cast as Bruce for the Batman Begins, well, the crush was set in stone. Doesn't hurt that Wayne is on Forbes Fictional Fifteen list.

3. Atticus Finch
Okay, this one is a little weird, I agree, but seems that even AFI voted Finch number one hero in it's list of Top 100 Heroes and Villians of film. Maybe I am not alone. My crush has little to nothing to do with Gregory Peck as Atticus in the movie, although he was the embodiment of the literary Atticus Finch. It is more the all-knowing father figure portrayed in my favorite novel (To Kill a Mockingbird, you dumbass), a man that I can really respect. Respect = love for me? I think so. Appeals to my extreme desire to see justice served, to be honest and truthful in all things. Atticus was on my initial list of name ideas for Rollie. Side note: Seems that Superman's favorite book is also To Kill a Mockingbird. Hmm. . . I sense a theme coming together here.

2. Indiana Jones
Um, wears leather, bullwhip, self-deprecating and nerdy, loves old shit and travel, hates snakes. Need I say more?

1. James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser
Ah, Jamie. You have no fucking clue who this is, do you? At least, not unless you know my reading habits fairly well, or unless you share my love for a particular series of novels. Guess you'll have to wait till tomorrow. Gotta keep the reader hanging, eh?

Yes. I am totally 13.
*All crushes subject to change at any time on the whim of the author.