Grudge Fucks, and The One Person I Would Do On the Homeroom Table

Dooce, my blogheroine, recently mentioned the old "top five" discussion in one of her posts. If you are into much more excellent writing and wit, suit yourself: You can see it here. I know this whole top five thing is old hat, but my high school friends and I were doing top fives long before anyone had read Nick Horsby. We just never bothered to write about it. Until 1993. . .

When I was in college, I took French (oh so useful) and my friend Jason was in my class. I believe our TA's name was Chris Carlysle, but I could be wrong. Jason, possessed of freakish, near-photographic, but completely trivial memory, will probably know. We were studying for a test at my apartment. We had those index cards and were making flash cards for study use. This, of course, turned into beer-drinking, flash-carding "top five lists," and revealing the lists to one another, a la some gameshow. You could cure famine in Africa with the amount of tears of laughter shed during the evening. During the course of the evening, we made lists of everything we could think of, including top five movie stars, top five musicians, top five current real life people, top five people you would have done in High School, and my personal favorite, top five Grudge Fucks. Hilarity ensued. If only those precious cards had survived. Actually, knowing Jason as the collector he is, he probably pocketed them while I was in the bathroom and has them archived in perpetuity inside acid free paper sleeves and hermetically sealed baggies. I wish I could remember them now, but there are just fragments: Jason really liked Madchen Amick and Janine Turner. Alicia Bruner had the best tits in high school. I probably had Chris Cornell or Billy Corgan on my musician's list. Totally untold tenth grade crush? Dan Petritz in Romeo and Juliet class. I totally would have done John Sabol on the table in homeroom, with Michelle Retzke, Scott Carter, and Mrs. Graham looking on. Even more so if he was talking The Pretenders.

Top five grudge fucks? No way I'm divulging those! They still stand!!

The next day, we both showed up for the exam, hung over and unprepared. Jason got a B. I pulled an A. Which, of course, makes up for him making an A+ on the same fucking Biology report for the Atlanta Zoo field trip that we worked (and got lost) on together and on which I only made an A. (Obvious evidence that Mr. Moeller liked young boys, despite my stellar performance on the volleyball court.)

Anyway, I'm bored and never really blogged my top five, so what the hell! In no uncertain order:

1. Christian Bale
2. Johnny Knoxville
3. Heath Ledger
4. John Cusack*
   
5. Brad Pitt**

Honorable mention: Zack Rogue

*First appeared on Annie's top five after Better Off Dead. Despite many changes and shakeups in the top five (including the Young Guns debacle), John has always remained in the top five.
**May also qualify as a Grudge Fuck.
*** If you need to use the hyperlinks for the first five names above, you need to get a fucking life.

Fellow blogger friends: Tag! Let's see yours. . . .