Now They Tell Me

That ice cream increases fertility.

Too late for me to take advantage of that now, as we have hit the end of our childbearing phase of this life. But couldn't I find this out back in 2002 or so, when we were having a little difficulty figuring out why we weren't conceiving? I must note here that our "battle" with infertility was not fought for years upon years, that many people I know have dealt with infertility obstacles much greater than mine, but that doesn't make it any less painful when you are in the throes of the despair and suspense and depression that difficulty conceiving brings.

In all seriousness, I don't think the ice cream would have regulated my whacked hormones, the ones that made my periods do strange things, like not show for three months and make me think I was pregnant, or that made all my exercise and following Weight Watchers to a T be for naught - I still did not lose any weight and wondered what in the hell was wrong with me? I sat around thinking, "Holy shit. I am not only never going to have children, but I am going to be a hairy, menstruation-fucked, hormonal fat ass, too!"

My Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) will not be cured by ice cream, unfortunately. The only thing that cures it? Exercise and diet: "lifestyle changes" if you will, and those just aren't as damn fun as ice cream. But then, who needs ice cream, when I have two lovely children (a complete set!) and the possibility of being thin again.