This Little Guy

Has grown into a little boy who can sound out words. I almost cried last night, I was so proud of him. He sounded out "Volcano" and "Valley" and almost got "Village" in our Caribbean Alphabet book. (Thanks, Lissa and Addie!) He would have gotten "Village" right, but that whole hard G/soft G (oooh, sounds dirty!) thing threw him off, so he thought it was pronounced "villagh." I never realized how difficult and screwy English was until trying to explain the pronunciation of certain words to Rollie.

None of this would have been possible without the Best Bedtime-Story-Reading Daddy in the Whole Wide World, a Daddy who consistently reads to the kids almost every night, and does it with the most wonderful, sweet, indulgent temperament, when I am just ready to have the day be over, throw their asses in the bed fully clothed, and pour myself a glass of wine.

Parenting is a thankless job, but every once in a while, they throw you a bone. It is a nice day as a parent when you can say to yourself, "At least I know we are doing at least one thing right."

Bo Reincarnate

My Mom and Dad got a new dog. I knew they couldn't hold out much longer. They have had a dog at all times for as long as I can remember. Going a year or more without one seemed so strange to me. Granted, they had Keeley and Bo for EVAH, and they they were completely a part of the family.

Well, here is the crazy thing. Mom picked out a new dog. And it is almost exactly like Bo. It even sits on people's laps and growls. Just like Bo used to do.

For anyone who knew Bo, you will know that it is hysterical that Mom got another dog like him. He was the meanest son of a bitch you ever laid eyes on. If you opened a door and Bo was behind it, he would attack the door and he actually lost teeth a few times. My friend Scott always thought we should make our family Christmas card a picture of Bo snarling at the camera. And he was right, because it was the funniest thing ever.

Anyway, no picture of the new little man, whose name is Max. He sure is cute.

Trivia

So, I have the most awesomest sister in the world. She worked a twelve hour shift yesterday, wiping geriatric butts, then rushed over to watch my kids so that I could go out and play trivia. Then, she got up with them, fed and dressed them, and took them to school so I could sleep late. Oh, and she is knocked up, so she did it without copious amounts of coffee. What an amazement.

We did okay at trivia last night, and came in third, but I was a little disappointed that we blew the first place lead we carried through the first two rounds. Much fun was had, though, and our all-girls team picked up a few male scabs and . . . well, we didn't really need them, but it was good to see them. There has been much discussion about whether our trivia team should be open to males or if it is a girls' only night, and so the desegregation was not bad at all. I even picked up one very funny naked skateboarding story. You can't beat that.

On to the questions, if i can remember them:

Round 1 -

1. ATL sports: What is the name of the now defunct professional women's soccer team in Atlanta?
2. Barbie: What year was Barbie introduced, within two years:
3. Bond: What was the name of the last Sean Connery Bond film?
4. US Capitals: What is the capital of North Dakota?
5. U2: What was U2's first full-length release on Island records (hint: 1980):

Bonus: Name the two actors who played Bo and Luke Duke in the recent movie.

Round 2 -

1. What article of clothing did the invention of the bra replace?
2. Classical Music: Who wrote the Brandenburg Concerto? (There might be more to this question, but if there is, I don't remember)
3. Metal: Kevin Dubrow died this week. What metal band did he front?
4. East Atlanta Village: What happens at the former location of the Kingfisher school on Thursday evenings and Sunday mornings?
5. Gods: What is the name of the Egyptian sun god?

Bonus: Name the four members of the Walsh family on Beverly Hills 90210.

Round 3 -

1. Math: What is the cube root of 152?
2. Authors - Who wrote the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
3. Cel Phones - What is Boost Mobile a subsidiary of?
4. Plague - Within ten million, how many people died during the middle ages' Black Plague?
5. Cartoonists - Name of the comic written by Berkeley Brethed that spawned another comic strip called Outland?

Bonus - Name the three members of Run DMC. (Either their stage names or real names.)

Final Round -

1. VPs - Who was the first vice president?
2. Video Games - What classic video game company created the game Centipede?
3. Wildlife - What is the only place on earth where alligators and crocs coexist in the wild?
4. acronyms - What does MARTA stand for?
5. Beer - Which has the fewest calories? Coors Light, Bud Light, or Miller Light?

Bonus - What are the top five films of all time, based on unadjusted gross receipts?

Iron Bowl

Todd and I took the kids over to his parents' house on Lake Martin, where we did second Thanksgiving dinner (yes, we are complete Hobbits) on Friday with his brother Wade, brother Lyle, and Lyle's wife Denise. Wade was on our shit list for not bringing my new niece, Luci, with him, but he made up for it by bringing her over on Sunday. I ate too much.

On Saturday, Todd and I had to get a new tire for the van, so we got up early to drive to the nearest Wal-Mart, which was in Alexander City ("Alex City" to easter Alabamians in the know). Dear God. Oh, the humanity of a small-town Alabama Wal-Mart on the day of the Iron Bowl! You couldn't walk five feet without someone uttering a "Roll Tide" or "War Eagle" at someone else. People looked at me like I was a Martian, presumably because I was not wearing crimson, blue, or orange, and well. . . why is she not wearing one of those? I think it may have been inconceivable to them that there were other states outside of their own that day. On the day of the Iron Bowl, Auburn, Alabama is the center of the universe. I would be lying if I said that I didn't actually care who won. I pull for Auburn when there is no harm in it, and I have definitely adopted my husband's disdain for the Tide. Good God, there is nothing scarier than a female, middle-aged, bleached-blonde Alabama fan in person. Oh, yeah. And my trivia girls and I have a bit of wager with the Alabama graduate who runs our trivia at Graveyard Tavern. He will be footing the bill for our drinks this evening. I have no kids tomorrow. He should be frightened, very frightened.

After that, we had lunch with his parents and the kids, then headed into Auburn to pick up my friend Brett. Brett and I went to high school and college together and he is one of my oldest, dearest friends. I just don't get to see him as often as I'd like, because he lives in Seattle. Brett has his own family ties to Auburn, so he was in town for the game, but is a Georgia fan, so we decided to meet up for tailgating and watching of the Tech game, and also Ky/Tn.

Despite the fact that Kentucky couldn't pull off the win over Tennessee to send GA to the SEC Championship (which I guess actually gives us a higher bowl berth? Whatever. I am over trying to wrap my little brain around the BCS.), I had an awesome time watching with Brett, and with all of the Auburn and Alabama fans who may not have cared about the outcome of the game, but pulled for Kentucky with me, anyway. SEC fans are the best. They get it.

Afterwards, Brett headed to the game, and Todd and I went over to Iain's in Opelika to watch the game. Mostly, i drank while they watched the game. We started tailgating around 2 pm and we stayed up til 2 a.m., when I stopped dancing and passed out on the foldout with my snoring Todd, and four dogs.

Sunday was hell. Okay, except for the part where I finally got to meet my first ever niece. She is adorable and cute and little and she doesn't talk back or run into things and bust her head open. Oh, and my brother-in-law Wade makes a kick ass spaghetti with meatballs. Perfect cure for a hangover, and totally got me well enough to drive two chilluns back to Atlanta. That drive usually takes two hours, but because of Thanksgiving traffic, it took 3.5 hrs plus. I now know what my hell is: Driving in the dark fog and mist, for all eternity with two children screaming, crying, fighting, and singing, while the car lurches forward in 10 mph spurts and headlights blind me in rearview and my head throbs and my stomach churns and I am so desperate for sleep that I almost, almost pull over at Hogansville to get a motel room, just to put me out of my misery, but it would take me another 30 minutes just to get to the exit ramp, so I might as well push on.

UGA at #4. How the fuck did that happen?

More Iron Bowl pics.

Thank God for Football

Otherwise, I'd be really bored at my parents' for Thanksgiving.

I am watching USC ream AZ State. It is kinda gettin' me excited about a couple more days of football. I'm hoping that my clueless [about football] mother-in-law will schedule her Thanksgiving dinner for some time other than those where I would like to watch games. Like, say, a possibly upset of LSU by Arkansas. Yes, I'm a poor married soul who has to do two Thanksgivings. In two states. And one of them is Alabama.

Then on Saturday, I will be in a football frenzy of
a) Georgia hopefully not thinking Tech will be a cakewalk.
b) 2nd Favorite Team Kentucky hopefully putting a whomp on my Mama's Vols. [Yes, nothing trashier than "your Mama's a Vol!"]
c) Tailgating with husband for Iron Bowl. Should be an interesting Saturday. We actually won't be going to the game itself, just watching outside with friends. Todd knows better than to take me, his Bulldog wife, to an Auburn game, though, as they are 0-3 with the Bulldog wife in attendance. And yes, two of those were between the hedges.

My Pilgrim Name

Your Pilgrim Name Is

Faith Standish

What's Your Pilgrim Name?

Trivia

We came in 4th by one measly point. We were in first, but spectacularly blew the lead with our ill-advised wagering. Still fun, though. Here goes:

Round 1 -

1. Beer: # of ounces in a Foster's oil can of beer.
2. Billionaires: Founder of the Virgin corporate empire.
3. South Park: What year did South Park premiere?
4. Car Companies: What is the parent company of Lexus?
5. Presidents: Who is the most recent President to win the Nobel Peace Prize?
6. Bonus - Dekalb County: The position Vernon Jones currently holds and the position he is seeking.

Round 2 -

1. Booze: Jagermeister translates to the English for ______.
2. Civil War: Where did Lee surrender to Grant?
3. EAV: The year that the Gravity Pub originally opened, within one year:
4. Great albums of the past: What did Rolling Stone say was the record of the decade for the 80's?
5. Heavy Metal: What is the name of Motley Crue's first album?
6. Bonus: Who were the three original members of the band Nirvana?

Round 3:

1. Movies: What George Lucas film made only 750,000 at the box office, but is the most profitable film in Hollywood history?
2. Napoleon Dynamite: What is Napoleon Dynamite's brother's name?
3. Polka: Who is the "American Polka King?" (Hint: He shares a name with an accordion-playing pop star.)
4. U.S. Capitals: What is the capital of Montana?
5. Art History: What artist created "Sunday Afternoon on the Grande Jette" (sp?)?
6. Bonus - 80s Sitcoms: Name the four actresses who played the leads on The Golden Girls.

Round 4:

1. TV Commercials: What was Mr. Whipple's catchphrase?
   
2. Simpsons: What Star Wars figure from Ralph Wigam's (sp?) diorama was broken when he fell?
3. Sports: What NFL team holds the record for the most points scored in a single season?
4. TV: What tv show features characters named: Dennis, Frank, Mac, Charlie, and Sweet D?
5. Band Names: The band Nerf Herder took their name from a line in what 80s movie?
6. Bonus - Baseball: What 5 franchises have the most World Series wins?

I think we only missed six of these. How did you do?

Charleston Recap

We started with dinner at Coast. Very good.

Then we dropped Mom off at the hotel and headed to The Blind Tiger for drinks with the wedding peeps. It was funny, because I had been to this bar before, only a couple months after Todd and I started dating. His friend Kate was married at the same place that my friend Marc married at Saturday night, and the night after her wedding, everyone went out for drinks. We went to the Blind Tiger, where Kate passed out at a table in the courtyard. Ah, memories.

We had to wait a while for our friends, and Lisa is knocked up, so she was pretty much over it by the time they got there, but she perked up when she saw old friends and managed to stay out for a good while. I stayed longer, and had the pleasure of chatting with my old friend Pierce's wife, Fowler, for a good long while. She is awesome, which I totally would have imagined for Pierce.
They next morning, Lisa and I headed out for coffee and shopping. We hit the Farmer's Market, which really consisted of us oohing and aaahing over all the cute dogs people were walking around. The weather was perfect. We walked all down King Street looking at shops and I even saw real live fancy shoes at Bob Ellis. I think if I ever were rich, I would have a shoe problem. Plus, shoes and makeup are fun because they don't make you feel fat. Lisa and I both bought matching heart necklaces and did the sister bonding thing. See how cute we are?

After that, we met up with Mom for lunch. It was a good thing we started looking for a lunch place when we did, because if we had waited any longer, Pregzilla might have eaten Meeting St. We went to Monza for pizza, because that's what sounded good to the zilla. It was really good, and the service was great, and they played Wilco and Bloc Party, and once Lisa ate something, she was a human again. If any of you are paying attention now, you will realize that Lisa is wearing the sweater I wore on Saturday night. It is hers and really comfy. You will also realize that I am wearing the same shirt from the night before. I know! I packed like 500 things and did what I always do - Ended up wearing the comfortable tee. It's my signature look.

After lunch, Mom and Lisa headed home to nap (?!!) and I found a bar with as many tvs as possible so as to assure that I saw at least the first half of the Georgia/Kentucky game. I sat with some lovely Ohio State fans, and some not-so-lovely Gators and Vols. Most people were watching Ohio State/ Michigan. I had to leave at halftime to go get dressed for a 4PM wedding. Evidently, people from the Carolinas and Texas did not get the memo about NO WEDDINGS IN THE FALL IN THE SOUTH. It was explained to me later by the Texan groom that they just don't do weddings on Sundays, because of the Cowboys. Whatevers. UGA won, and I was spared the heart-attack and heartbreak-inducing Tenn/Vandy game. Arrrrgggggh.

Found the lovely wedding location, Lowndes Grove, with time to spare. I always wonder what Yankees think of the south when they see a place like Lowndes Grove. Do they think that Southerners are immune to the beauty of such a place? Do they think regular folks live in places like this? Not so. I am in awe whenever I am in a place like this. The weather was beautiful and the ceremony was timed perfectly to coincide with a lovely sunset over the Ashley River. Wedding went off without a hitch, even with that tricky "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. (Oh, the thoughts that went through my head just then, little Marky! Exploding hotdogs! Underage preteens passed out on my parents parquet floor! The never ending retaliatory prank calls the bride will endure!

Okay, here are the rest of the pics, taken before the reception was over and we got to the too-drunk-to-operate-camera, much-less-my-own-two-mysteriously-skinned-up-legs portion of the evening. Twas not pretty, but was better than my horribly-hung-over Sunday. Note to self: When drinking copious amounts at open bar, also partake of dinner buffet.

Me and Marc's college roomie, Mitchell, who lives in Midtown.








Lisa, Fowler, and my Mom.








Two not-so-sober old acquaintances. I hadn't seen John in almost 20 years. I think the last time I saw him I was cleaning up puke at Aunt Dot's house. He was probably 15. Got to meet his wife, Ashley, a sassy and cute Aussie.







The reasons we were there - My mom and the Groom's mom, Judy, who were childhood friends in Chattanooga.

Dear Readers

And I thought a trip with my kids was bad. I had forgotten the joy of being in a car with my sister and Mama for a day. Bitch-O-Rama pregzilla and my in-denial-about-her-loss-of-hearing Mother for 4 hours, telling me how to drive. Lisa said something "sicks me out," and my mom said, "Six meows? What?"

Times four hours.

Did I mention my sister was pregnant? She got all over me because I divulged the pregnancy here on Dogwood Girl. Not because I had let the cat out of the bag. Because I hadn't given it's own individual post.

So, there will be a very heartfelt post about my excitement over my sister's impending child in your near future. Very heartfelt. Not at all contrived or guilt-induced. Not at all.

I love the fetus, Jacquez. Yes, I said Jacquez. It's a fucking Gator-fetus.

Off to Charleston

Tomorrow morning, I leave for Charleston. My childhood friend Marc is getting married. I cannot wait to meet the victim, er. . . bride. Marc and his brother, Pierce, and my sister and I go way back; Our moms were best friends growing up in Chattanooga. We vacationed in Destin with them for years, visited them at their home and on their Grandfather's ranch near Dallas, and when Pierce went to school in Chattanooga, I used to see him and his roommate when I was in town visiting my Grandma. We all exchanged emails recently, and Pierce's roommate was saying how nice it would be to see me again. The last time he remembers seeing me, I "drove a convertible and had bought the Drivin' and Cryin' album that day." We figured out that was about 1988. Yeah, nineteen years. Wow.

Marc is the last of us to get married. Pierce and I both have kids now, and Lisa is expecting. None of this adulthood crap matters much, because these are people who have known me long enough to remember me before I became the woman of grace and loveliness that I am today; They saw the gangly, pimpled girl with the sausage-rolled hair. They knew me when I had no boobs. They knew me when I liked Whitesnake.

It is going to be fun to have all four of us back together again this weekend, even though I won't have them to myself. There will be merciless ribbing, and much, much laughter. And a whole lotta drinking. Look out, Charleston.

Exercise Your Mind, Feed People

Okay, I am so addicted to this thing. And not because it is helping feed the hungry, but because I love vocabulary tests. Anyway, thought I would pass it along and do a good deed at the same time.

I average about 43, but have gotten up to 47. I just can't break that 47 barrier! How did you do?

Thanks to Tori for the link.

Pictures of Temporary Annulment Day

For my Auburn friends who want to relive the day as much as I do, my Georgia/Auburn set on Flickr.

Bitsy Bitsy Fighter

Tiller thinks the words to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" are "Bitsy Bitsy Fighter." Cute as all get-out. When we put her to bed, she likes to be held and sung to for a minute. When she was tiny, I started singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star" to her. We still do that one, but she has started requesting other songs, and now we have three regular ones. I hold her in the dark of her room, and whisper, "You want a a song?" She says, "Bitsy," which is what she calls "Itsy Bitsy Spider." When I finish it, she says, "Sunshine." ("You Are My Sunshine.") Finally, we do "Twinkle."

I love all three of the songs so very much now. They are the soundtrack to a little girl laying her head on my shoulder, her heart beating fast next to my own, totally at peace with her world, and secure in my love for her.

The Afterglow

. . . Of victory is a beautiful thing. The fun part is that I don't even have to be an asshole, or an obnoxious winner. I just sit and smile at my husband the Auburn fan, and he knows exactly what I'm thinking. I haven't been able to get this smile off my face all morning.

What 1 A.M. Looks Like

I had forgotten. This is what it looks like when Todd and I plan to go directly home after his Loud Music and Beers Book Club at the Flatiron, but then we decide to have one more beer at the Glenwood while waiting for our cab. We run into friends from college and old coworkers. Suicidal Tendencies on the jukebox. It gets a little messy. Good times had by all.

Of course, I am not feeling so awesome right now, and Todd is already War Eagling me, and I am choking down my first cup of coffee and we have to drive to Athens. There are big things on the line here, folks, both in the big football picture for the Dawgs, but also on the home front. We're talking bragging rights for a year, which is a very long time when you are on the losing team. And there's a little punishment in the works for the loser this year, but more on that after we see the outcome this evening.

Go Dawgs!!!

Institutionalized.

I'm not crazy. Institutionalized. You're the one that's crazy. Institutionalized. You're drivin me crazy. Institutionalized.

Typical Tiller

Tiller is the kind of kid that yells out, "Mama, I'm stuck!"

I walk around the corner to the entryway and see that she has put her head through the balustrade. She is on the first step, and crying her eyes out, and saying over and over, "Mama, I'm stuck."

My first instinct is panic. That is a lie. Panic is my second instinct. First instinct was to stare at her and then laugh. I yell up the stairs, "Todd? Can you come down here, please?" in the same faux-calm voice my father used one summer day in the 80s, when we were supposed to leave in a couple of hours for a week's vacation at the lakehouse. I believe his exact words from the parquet hallway at the bottom of the stairs, up to my Mom, were: "Honey, can you come down here? I had a little accident with the lawn mower."

He had, in fact, cut his toe off with the lawnmower.

We walked downstairs to find him standing in a pool of his own blood. He then yelled at me to go out in the yard and look for his toe. I never did find that thing.

Okay, so Tiller was not bleeding, but she was screaming, and crying, and trying to pull her head out of the balustrade, and getting a little panicky when it wouldn't come out. I was on the floor of the entry, talking to her, and trying to feel around her head to see just how tight it was, and as Todd came down the stairs, he probably heard me mutter, in true Mother-of-the-Year fashion, "Baby, how the fuck did you manage to do this?"

I told Todd to go get dish liquid from the sink, thinking we could slick her head up with soap and push it back through. He ignored me, walked between Tiller and me, and then gently pushed her head right back through. Much crying ensued, but we think little to no brain damage.

Then we rocked her and held her and looked at each other over her head, shaking our heads and both thinking to ourselves, Typical Tiller. This will not be the last.

Finding My Voice

On the way to school, I was vainly pleading with Rollie to simply ignore his screaming, writhing sister, rather than egging her on by continually yelling, "no!" (Where on earth did he learn that?) The cacophony made by their voices combined with the radio was making my ears bleed at this point. I woke up with a sore throat and barely any voice.

Me [voice at a whisper]: "Rollie, please just don't talk to her. Just ignore her."
Rollie: "Mama, you're losing your voice."
Me: "Yes, Rollie, I am."
Rollie: "Tiller and I need to find it."

Sweetie, y'all already helped me find it.

Sir Duke: Tiller Pitches a Royal Fit

Dragging a kicking and screaming Tiller, age two, into Publix. As I lifted her into the buggy, trying to force her legs into the holes of the seat as she attempted to keep them straight and throw herself out onto the cement floor at the same time, the first notes of Stevie Wonder's ever-so-cheery "Sir Duke" came on over the store music system. As my Mama says, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Food For Thought

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
--T. S. Eliot

Trivia Answers - Almost Forgot

1. What year was the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre released? 1984
   
2. The Arthur Miller play based on the Salem Witch trials. The Crucible.
   
3. Total number of movies in the Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm St series, including the combination movie, and any remakes. 27!!!!!
   
4. Birth name of the serial killer nicknamed "The Killer Clown." John Wayne Gacy.
   
5. What is the name of the pub in which Shaun and his friends holed up to escape Zombies in "Shaun of the Dead?" With Robin's help, we would have come up with this one! The Winchester.
   
6. In the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which two characters are brother and sister? RiffRaff and Magenta.
   
7. What was the name of the sequel to Rocky Horror Picture Show? Shock Treatment.
   
8. On South Park, what was mixed with Kenny's embalming fluid to cause him to become a zombie? Worcestshire.
   
9. Name of the monster who prowls Mexico eating goats? Chupacabras
   
10. In Evil Dead, what is the name of the book of the Dead? Necronomicon
    
11. In the original Friday the 13th, who was the killer? Jason's Mom, Mrs. Voorhees. The Mom.
    
12. Evil Poets: Who wrote "The Raven?" Edgar Allan Poe
    
13. What are the three original Romero zombie films? (We only got two.) Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead.
    
14. What beer would you use to kill a werewolf? Coors Light.
    
15. What actors portrayed Marty Coleslaw and his uncle Red in Stephen King's Silver Bullet? Corey Haim and Gary Busey
    
16. What were the vampire-killing brothers, one of whom was played by Corey Feldman, referred to as in The Lost Boys? The Frog Bros.
    
17. What musician is credited with popularizing the "devil horns" rock n roll gesture? Dio
    
18. What 1922 film was the debut of the vampire on the big screen? Nosferatu
    
19. Classic Arcade Games: What are the names of the four ghosts in the American version of the game PacMan? (We only got three.) Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.
    
20. The name of the English punk band whose ever-changing members included members named "Rat Scabies," "Captain Sensible," and "Urbana?" This one drove Robin and I crazy, because it was on the tip of our tongues. The Damned.
    
21. Ancient Celtic festival/ritual credited with being the original Halloween? Samhain.
    
22. What does Mexico's Dia de los Muertos (sp?) mean? Day of the Dead.
    
23. Number of bones in the male body? Bonus for naming the state in which this number is an area code. 206 (Washington State.)
    
24. What is the only mammal naturally capable of flight? Bat.
    
25. Final Question: Name the actors who played each of the following in The Rocky Horror Picture Show -
    
    Dr. Frankenfurter - Tim Curry
    Brad - Barry Bostwick
    Janet - Susan Sarandon
    RiffRaff - O'Brien
    Eddie - Meatloaf

Fun times. Who's with me on Tuesday???