It's Here

Game day! Oh, and my husband, the Auburn Tiger, is not a welcher. Behold!


That's Simon down there at the bottom, checking out the goods.

Wow

This election just got really interesting. I can't believe that they knocked Obama's speech off the front page that quickly. Pretty brilliant move, in my opinion. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Birthday Braves Game

Birthday Braves Game
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl

Video of Rollie showing off his new Braves hat and shirt, and talking about his birthday gift - a trip to the Ted!

It was Tim Hudson bobblehead night at the stadium. Rollie got one for himself and brought one home to Tiller, too!

Rollie thought the seats were pretty good as he settled in.

Cotton candy! (And Dad even gave him some Coke. Note: this is not Dogwood Girl-approved parenting.)

Father and son, so All-American!

p.s. College football starts today. Dogwood Girl v. excited.

Thoughts on Birthday Number Five

Thoughts on Birthday Number Five
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl

Dear Rollie,

Last night, when we tucked you in, I held your face in my hands to look into your eyes.

"What are you doing?" you said. "I am looking at you so I'll remember what you look like at four years old." You thought for a minute. "I want to stay four," you said, your lower lip unfurled. I didn't know what to say to that, because I kind of wanted you to stay four, too.

You being four has been a joy and a challenge, more so than any year yet. I really thought that you at three was challenging; I had no idea that four would be more of the same.

Uh-oh. Tiller is helping me write this. About your birthday, Tiller says, "I think i am going to make a birthday present. Tiller is excited about doing the cards." Okay, she's gone.

This time last year, you were just learning the sounds for each letter. You knew all the basics, and you were starting to learn the combination sounds like "br" and "bl." You were doing so well at school, one of the two most advanced kids in your class, but you were struggling with your behavior. You struggled all school year with your behavior, and we finally made the decision to repeat you in Pre-K. At the time, you were at a little Methodist preschool, but we were moving to a new school district and decided to put you in the Pre-K there. Your old Pre-K teacher thought you might benefit from another year to learn the social skills like lining up, raising your hand when you need to speak, not interrupting, and following directions; I don't know where you got it from, but you question absolutely everything. :-)

Daddy and I struggled long and hard with the decision to hold you back, and I am still struggling with it a few weeks into the new school year, because over the summer you learned to read. You are the only one in your class who can read already, and I am terrified that you will be bored and not challenged enough. I am terrified that i made the wrong decision; I am pretty sure that this is normal for a parent to feel, but it doesn't make it any less stressful. Your teachers are nice, and I try not to judge the people who teach you when their pronunciation or grammar isn't perfect, but I can't help wondering if we are screwing up by sending you to a public school. I want to believe that good parenting in conjunction with public schools will win out and that you will be the best you can be no matter where we put you. I hope that being in a racially and culturally diverse class will teach you things that we can't teach you at home. I hope that they are the right things, but you spend as much time at school every day now as you spend with me and Daddy, and that loss of influence is frightening. I hope that one day you will read this and know that everything we did, we did because we thought we were doing what was best for you.

One of the things we struggled most with this year was deciding where to move. When you were born, we lived in East Atlanta. Daddy lived there already when we met way back in February of 1999 (the olden days). We lived there together, then were married, and bought a second house there before you were born because we needed more room. I loved that house. It is the house to which I brought you home from the hospital. It is where we brought Tiller home. We loved our babies in that house. We had to live at the lake for a month while we waited for the new house, and that was quite an experience. You and Tiller loved it.

We were sad to move, but I know we did the right thing, because you are thriving here and you have already made friends. Also? There is a pool here, and this year, you learned to swim. Your swim lessons were pretty pointless. You wouldn't even put your head under the water. But on our own time, we gave you little plastic diving torpedoes; Daddy figured out that if we made it a game, you would start reaching for them deeper and deeper in the pool. He was right, and he played on one of your strongest traits - Your love of competition. You will make a game or race or contest out of anything. Aunt Lisa said she was pumping one time and you and Tiller actually cheered to see which breast would produce the most milk. Again, i have no idea where you got this competitive streak. It is just baffling. :-)

You learned to read and swim, which are two of the most amazing and wonderful things I could imagine for you. You also learned some other things: Jumping down off monkey bars and landing on your feet. How to knock the heck out of a whiffle ball. You almost never miss. You and Daddy play ball at least once a week, and sometimes almost every day. Daddy is taking you to a Braves game tonight for your birthday, but that is a surprise. I hope it doesn't rain.

Things that you love: Shows like Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, Superwhy, and Wordgirl. You have outgrown the shows like Sesame Street and Diego and Dora. You adore Monster Trucks. Anything with cars racing; you will even watch Nascar, much to our dismay. You say you like Tigers the most, but i am hoping you are reading this with a UGA diploma on the wall. We'll see how that one shakes out. You love races. You like reading about cars and trucks and rocket ships.

Your favorite food right now is definitely Cinnamon Rolls. We only buy them for special occasions, like this morning before school.

Your growth has slowed some, but you are tall and thin. No more baby fat - you are a boy now, lithe and fast. You also have become more and more like your Papaw Palmer. In some ways, your personality is like him. Your hair is most definitely his hair. We can pour two buckets of water over your head, and it will just roll off like sheep's wool. It cracks me up.

You are goofy, and fun-loving, and you never stop talking. Sometimes i can't even think straight, you talk so much. You can dress yourself now, and that is a huge change for us. I miss pulling your shirts over your head, or holding your pants for you to step into them, but it is so much easier. You have started doing your own chores: You clear your plates and put them in the sink yourself, without being asked. You help take out recycling, get the mail, and help bring in the recycling bins and trash from the street. You are usually pretty good about cleaning up at the end of the day, which is a big help to us. You love going to the library with Daddy and Tiller to pick out books. This year, Daddy also took y'all to see Wall-E and you both sat there throughout the movie. That is a first, because in the past, taking you to movies has not been as successful. You couldn't sit still.

You and Daddy and Tiller went to Orlando and Cypress Gardens with Grandma and Papaw Johnson this year; I stayed home to be with Aunt Lisa when Dash came. This year, you welcomed a new cousin and now you are not the only boy. We also went to Panama City in the spring, Lake Lure for New Year's, and a ton of lake trips.

One other thing happened this year that I think you will want to read about when you are older. We lost your great-grandmother, Meemaw. She was old, but it was still a sad thing for us all, and it was a new experience for you and Tiller to lose a loved one. I was nervous about taking you to the funeral, but I couldn't have been more proud of your behavior there, and I know that you were a great balm to your Grandma's sadness. I was glad that we took you, and happy that you both got to say goodbye to Meemaw; She loved you both very much. I hope that you will remember, even if it is just a little bit. I never knew any of my great-grandparents, and i think it was an amazing experience for you and Tiller to know two of yours, to see your grandparents' joy at seeing their parents meet their Grandchildren. I hope that I will be that lucky one day.

I have to go make preparations for some Birthday celebrations now. It is a Wednesday, so we are having a pool party on Saturday to celebrate your birthday (no rain, please!), but tonight, I am planning your requested birthday dinner: mac and cheese. I am not even bothering with veggies! After that, we will give you a couple gifts. You are getting a Braves hat and shirt, and Daddy is taking you to the game. Ned helped out by offering up his Turner vouchers and y'all are getting good seats. I wish I could go, but Tiller turns into a pumpkin after seven.

Our life is busy these days, with school, and soccer starting up, and trying to fix up the new house, but i hope that every year on your birthday I will be able to take the time to write this letter to you, to let you know how much you have changed and learned and matured and grown over the past year.

You are five today, no longer my baby, although you will always be my baby. I now know why my Mama and Daddy still say this to me, and I no longer bristle at it when they do; if anything, I sympathize with them, because i know what it means to love you from birth, to nurture you, and to see you no longer be the helpless being you once were, to see you blossom and have thoughts of your own and question our decisions for you. I know what it means to feel swollen with pride at the same time that I am sick with the sadness of knowing you will leave and things will never be this perfect and sweet again. Raising you and loving you is the most exquisite and overwhelming bittersweet pain and pleasure i have ever experienced. I am a better person for being your Mama, and you are everything that I ever could have wanted in a son, and so many other things that I never knew I wanted.

Daddy and I love you so much and we try to savor every last moment with you, but we are also so very excited to see what wonderful things you will do with your life and what a wonderful, independent person you will become.

Love,
Your Mama

p.s. No, you are not getting a skateboard this year.

Daily Dash

I feel pretty lucky to live so close to the Little Man, Dashiell. He and Lisa visited yesterday and i took a couple of decent shots of Dash and Tills together. (You try getting a 2 year-old to hold a newborn, and for both of them to look remotely close to the camera without someone's head getting dented!) Please note how much Dash is starting to look like Uncle Mark, down to the ugly orange outfit.

Actual Pictures of Me That I Don't Hate

IMG_0078.jpg
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl.

Here is one. There are not many.

I like that I am wearing one of my favorite hats from high school. It makes me sad that I didn't keep my hat collection, although Todd is very thankful that I didn't, and they were great hats, but not worth losing a marriage over. Woulda made a good dressup trunk for Tiller, though. That is Pop, over there on the left. Same old outfit as always; Heavy plaid workshirt (this was obviously Christmas, but he wore the same thing in summer, working in 80 and 90 degree weather) and "dungarees." I just love that word. I love that he still says "dungarees" and "brogans," and "aught" for zero. This is at the old house in Roswell. Check out that bigass tv! And the radio on top. Lisa's pink one from the 80s - there was some serious Flashdance dancing done on the parquet hallway floor to that radio. Lots of Pretty in Pink soundtrack, U2, Depeche Mode, and Violent Femmes played on it too, as I remember. That clock on the mantel is on my mantel now, and i have been meaning to post a little something about how I learned to work an 8-day wound clock. Lost art.

What I like most about this picture is that I look really happy. I think it was Christmas of my Junior or Senior year. Probably senior. I look like I was ready to take on the world. I think i was ready to take on the world.

A Few Things

Talking about it makes it better.

I can't believe I have a niece who is one year old.

Todd has one week to purchase and install my new UGA flag. Sex withheld until installation complete.

My favorite movie of all time is most definitely The Black Stallion. And it holds up well to time, too. You are making fun of me, but it was Oscar-nominated for Cinematography (Caleb Deschanel, who is Zoey and Emily's Daddy, i believe) and Mickey Rooney was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. The only sad thing about it is that Kelly Reno, the kid who plays Alec, never really did anything else and ended up a cab driver in NYC. That being said, if i ever got into his cab, he would feel like a rock star after my reaction. Um, the kids and I watched The Black Stallion last night.

Britt A. from high school is purchasing a ticket for me to attend the GA Auburn game. I will explain this another time, when I don't have to drive to Montgomery for a birthday party, but know(shon) this: It does not bode well for the Auburn Tigers.

SEVEN DAYS!!!!!!

Friday Funniness

longhair musician
Originally uploaded by EllenJo.

So, my all-time favorite picture of a dog in costume is Jason's pic of the Molls in her witch costume. But this. . . this just kills me.

The woman who took the picture commented on one of my photos, and so I went to go check hers out, and I'm pretty sure that she and I would get along fantastically. I mean, LOOK at what she does in her spare time.

And Natalie? This is what it means to love dogs. And yes, I'm pretty sure she kisses her dog on the lips. I would seriously make out with this dog.

Might have to see if i can teach Quint to wear wigs. But he would look more like Dooce's Chuck (ridiculous) than this, which is freakin' awesome.

This Week in Dogwood Girl

Is just kinda dark and confused, and not really ready to be written about at all. Some things suck and are nebulous and I just can't put them into words without it all coming out completely wrong.

It will all come out. I just don't know when.

Just didn't want everyone to think i fell off the face of the earth. And no, no one is dying. I just got a reality check is all.

On a happier note, there is some Cecil discussion of purchasing a Waverunner or Seadoo type of thing. I will believe it when I see it. But if that happens, then all we need for the lakehouse after that is a chihuahua and a frozen drink machine.

Twinkle Dance

Tiller: What are you doing, mama?

Me: Listening to music. What are you doing, dancing?

Tiller: No, I'm doing my own dance.

Me: What kind of dance?

Tiller: The twinkle dance. You pretend you are the rock and I will be the twinkle.

Me: Okay.

We dance.

Tiller: I'm the star. Between the moon. We are all there. Except Lisa. She can be on the moon.

Um, okay.

Shameless

So, in the wake of all these posts concerning real folks from my real past, a friend asked me yesterday if I didn't worry about who was reading Dogwood Girl. I had actually thought about this a little after my recent posts, because the most recent writings included some folks who do not read my blog (that i know of), but whom were integral to my remembrances. For example, I don't stay in touch with all of my former Homecoming dates, but dang it, they were in the pictures, so they are damn well getting mentioned.

So, here is my disclaimer: I apologize to anyone who might have been harmed by revelations about them or their activities here on Dogwood Girl. It was really all in good fun, though. Plus, i am pretty sure that most of my readers just think you are brave souls for taking me out or hanging out with me. I'm not the sweetest girl around by a long shot. I mean, yeah, i am pretty sure that guy in high school would be surprised to know that i stared at him in 7th grade or wanted to have sex with him on a homeroom table, but i know him well enough to know that he wouldn't care that i wrote it down. Nor would my friend and his girlfriend at the time care that I lusted after her BF. (Knowing her, she would get off on it.) Sure, I revealed some crushes, but so what? I am pretty sure we all knew who was into who, and god knows, we are over it.

Sure, my husband reads Dogwood Girl, but let's face it - He knew what he was marrying when he married it. He loves me despite my loud mouth and thoughtlessness. Sometimes he loves me for my big mouth. (This love usually rises in proportion to amount of alcohol he has had when loudmouth incident takes place.) Of all the people who might object to what I write here, he is the only one whose opinion actually holds a ton of weight. And he's Todd: One of the reasons that his opinion holds so much weight is that he doesn't care what i write and he never says a word other than to make fun of something I've written. (The exception to this being anytime that I put down the Auburn Tigers, but that's just healthy SEC family dynamics, right baby?)

The truth is, I enjoy getting stuff off my chest this way, I enjoy that writing about a random memory can bring so much more back to me so vividly. I can count on one hand the number of times that I regretted writing about something on here, and those times were not that i regretted a revelation of something embarrassing I've thought or done. It was always that i wrote honestly about things that pissed me off, and sometimes people had their feelings hurt if they read about it and thought it was about them. And IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. THIS WEBSITE IS ABOUT ME, PEOPLE. That being said, I didn't like that feelings were hurt.

I can also honestly say that there are only about three times that i have ever really, really wanted to write about something on Dogwood Girl and then decided better of it in deference to someone else's feelings.

The real answer to the question of whether or not I worry about anyone from my past reading some of the far out stuff on Dogwood Girl?

Not really. Frankly, my dears, I don't give a good Goddamn.

Happy reading!

I Needed This

A nice laugh before this harrowing season begins. . . .



Thanks to Jason for sharing it.

Bad Kids

I think i have posted this before, but a friend was pondering if it was bad that his young daughter knows all the words to the song, "Greased Lightning." I wanted to find the video of my kids dancing and singing to the Black Lips song, "Bad Kids." Couldn't find it on my blog, so I'm just posting it again for good measure. It still cracks me up, especially that Rollie knows the "Timeout" and "A Penis on the Wall" parts so well. Not bad dancing, either. That boy loves the Dance.

Anyway, Pierce, if you are bad for teaching your daughter about gettin' tit and pussy wagon, well, then, call DFACS on me. The lyrics go a little something like this:

Bad kids all my friends are bad kids
product of no dad kids
kids like you and me

Bad kids aint no college grad kids
livin life out on the skids
kids like you and me

In Class
We are a minority
Got no
Respect for authority
And won't
Play well with others
And steal
From all your mothers
They'll try
To give us pills
Oh wait
Give us all the pills
Go cry
Mom I gotta go to court
Dad won't
Pay his child support

Well you gotta understand
we only do these things because all we are is

Bad kids all my friends are bad kids
product of no dad kids
kids like you and me

Bad kids aint no college grad kids
livin life out on the skids
kids like you and me

At home
he throws a hissy fit
Time out
he doesn't give a shit
Got drunk
Off all of grandmas schnaps
Got caught
Runnin from the cops
Toilet
Paper on the yard
Six f's
On my report card
Smoke cigs
In the bathroom stall
Spray paint
Penis on the wall

Well you gotta understand
we only do these things because all we are is

Bad kids all my friends are bad kids
product of no dad kids
kids like you and me

Bad kids aint no college grad kids
livin life out on the skids
kids like you and me

My Son Creeps Me Out

One of the fun things about having two laptops in the house again is that I can sit upstairs, while Todd hangs out downstairs, and we can email and chat back and forth. Which, also, let's admit, is ridiculous. But we have fun with it. Like this little gem that I just received. Jason B., try not to get too freaked out by this.

I wouldn't stand right there if I were you . . .

Sometimes I even feel a little bad when I elbow my two year old out of the way to get to my coffee. Most times not.

On a more serious note, I am trying to figure out the most cost-effective solution for our computer woes, and in the meantime, my posts will probably be short and sweet. Er, as sweet as you will get out of me. . . more like short and Splenda. Trying to write my usual eloquent and enlightening posts is beyond me in the small snippets of time Todd allows me on his computer. He says he needs it for work or something, and I'm like, "Whatever, get off Facebook!"

[Dogwood Girl is startled by noise at door, turns around to frantically type a last few letters.]

He's coming! I must go! dkjaosodiyhvsozhinlkknaklsmed [gurgling, choking, wet bloody sound, then a loud thud.]

Command: Logout

Like Sand Through the Hourglass

Uh, yeah. He was pretty excited. He picked his spidey tee out himself the night before (we were very proud and i had inner smug thoughts when hipster dad commented on his shirt). Everything went really well. He was totally excited, got himself up and dressed and even his shoes on without any dramatics, backtalk, or parental command repetition. We gave him a banana, but now he EATS BREAKFAST AND LUNCH AT SCHOOL. That's right - one less piece of wheat bread i have to smear with peanut butter each day. That might not seem like much to you, but i have smeared peanut butter on two pieces of wheat bread for the LAST TWO YEARS, ALMOST EVERY DAY. Cutting the workload in half is exhilarating.

We all four got in the car to go drop him off. The streets were packed with parents walking their kids to school (I love that we have sidewalks!), and cars backed up. I was nervous and he was just so damn excited. Todd and Tiller dropped us off and we walked up past all the patrols (so cute! 5th graders who were taught to say "Good morning!" when you walked in, and "Walk to the right!" when you were in the halls, and "Have a nice day!" when I was leaving. I was very impressed.) Also was impressed with the massive coffee table set up out front of the school. Nice touch, and a quick way to steal my heart.

As we went past the school sign, I asked if i could take his picture, and he said, "not now, mama!" and I agreed, because who am i to ruin his image the first day of school? We went on in and found his class. It was mayhem.

Kids running everywhere, one harried teacher and her harried teacher's aide, and a bunch of bewildered parents. (I guess I am not the only one with a first child in elementary school.) We hung Rollie's backpack in his cubby, which of course had his first name (Charles) instead of the nickname. He dealt, which i was very proud of, because he very well could have lost it. I talked to the teacher and she said she was "sending some typing home with him for me in his backpack." (Remember, I am the unfortunate new mom who got suckered into the Room Mother position. Go ahead and laugh, but I'm helping educate kids, people! Or at least making sure they get enough sugar on holidays.)

There were so many parents hanging around that I had time to shoot a few pictures and I even got a shot of Rollie with a big smile. I introduced him to another little boy, met the boy's dad, then said:

"Okay, Buddy. I'm gonna head out. You have fun, and listen to your teacher, okay? And I'll be here to pick you up this afternoon." I admit, i had a bit of a lump in my throat as I turned away.

"Mama?" he said in a small voice.

"Yeah, baby?" I said turning around. He was holding an hourglass in each hand, the sand just beginning to run through each.

"I need a hug and a kiss first!"

I smiled and said, "You bet," as I crouched down to his level and opened my arms.

He set the hourglasses down and ran into my arms, hugging me tightly and kissing me loudly on the cheek. "Mama? I love you, Mama," he whispered in my ear.

I love you, too, Buddy. I love you, too.

Bad Vibes

Online now, my dear friend and fellow weirdo, Billipsimo. Jason is in my top five (non-fam) people in the world, he is in fact almost family, and he challenges my sister and me in the race for person with dumbest and strangest idiosyncracies. He has been calling, commenting, and cackling at Dogwood Girl and the humiliation she shoulders and dishes out with even helpings for years now. I have tried and tried, badgered and bribed to get him to start blogging, and finally he caved.

The result?

Bad Vibes

Now we can all see into the strange and frightening carnival of midgets, monkeys, china dolls, and stipe that is jason's brain.

I Can't Believe . . .

That the little man starts real school tomorrow. He will be with his teacher and schoolmates just as long every day as the time he spends with me. I know that this is the moment where it all starts pulling apart at the seams, where his peers start to influence him, where he starts to come home learning new words and asking for a Wii, and dismissing Todd and me more and more. I'm so proud of him, and I know we are a positive influence on him, and he is more prepared than 90% of the other kids starting school tomorrow, but he isn't a number or a statistic; he is my baby.

A photo retrospective of the boy here.

Nerd Dirge

I am bummed about illustrator, Pauline Baynes passing. You will be, too, if you were like me and you absolutely lost yourself in Narnia and Middle Earth and the warrens of Watership Down. I never even knew her name. Her name. Very proud that those beautiful maps and covers that drew me into the stories were drawn by a female.

Disaster Confirmed

Okay, not complete disaster. I can do a data transfer from my hard drive to save all my stuff, like the family videos and my writing and stuff like that. Yes, I know I should have backed it up more often. But it is safe. Unfortunately, it's a "bad logic board." Would be almost $300 bucks to fix it, and I doubt the mac is worth that altogether. Ugh.

Bad, logic board, bad! Very bad logic board! [rubbing logic board's muzzle in a pile of it's own shitty logic.]

So, i will be immersed in the vampire book, taking the kiddo to open house (starts school monday!) and . . .what else did i do before internet??

Disaster

Kind of. . .

My IBook just doesn't seem to want to turn on. I am posting from Todd's today. Not sure when I will be back online, but I have an appointment at the Apple store later to check out the problem.

Me: "Can we afford that?"
Todd: "It's cheaper than therapy for you."

Good point.

In case you're wondering, I'd rather chop off my own hand that spend an hour with MacGeeks who call themselves "Genius." The whole Mac persona really annoys me. So hoity toity.

I am sure this is bad karma and my laptop will never be fixed now, but i am really not in a good mood. On the positive side, while I am there, i am finally going to pick up Breaking Dawn, and i will have plenty of reading time, with no pesky internets to divert me. Oh, yeah, i never went to get the book Friday night.

I wanted to finish the other one I was reading, On Agate Hill. I loved it, and would highly recommend it to others. A great story that reminded me a little bit of Toni Morrison's Beloved or Alice Walker's The Color Purple in style, with an imperfect heroine, a bittersweet love story, a smidge of magical realism, a cast of memorable characters, a great display of late 19th century southern culture, and a soaring ending, the kind that makes you feel kind of high as you are reading it.

Pictures Past

Scott at The Austin Affair posted some old pics of us with Z and Ope. A great weekend, wherein we drove to Chapel Hill just to see Pavement, and once again, I am reminded that I should have worn some makeup every once in a while. Something about those pictures really capture the mid-90s for me.

Scott comments that it looks like Zach and i are fighting, but really, I am pretty sure that i was just looking like I normally did after spending hours in the car with these three. It took infinite patience and sense of humor to deal with these three on a road trip. Trust me.

Of course, I would love to be back in that car for just ten minutes today. Such good times.

Who Knew This Golden Girl Fan Had a Heart of Such Darkness?

Looking for something good to read? My dear friend Vanessa wrote a really cool short story and it has been published in a modern horror anthology called Read by Dawn, Volume III. Go ahead and click on that link and buy a copy. (I edited the story for Vanessa, so I can tell you, it's really, really good!) You'll get a great bunch of stories by authors you haven't read before, and you'll be supporting a girl who is following her dream.

This Cracks Me Up

And it will you, too, if you have ever done a road trip with kids and had to go through a drive-through.

Vanessa, at this point, you should put your fingers in your ears, start humming the Bear Went Over The Mountain, and stop reading: Yes, I let my kids have fast food. Call DFACS.

Thanks, Dorothy!

Because Steph Brought Up Potty Training And We Won't Be Outdone!

Concerning Dagny, Steph and Doug's little girl, and her fellow October birthday girl, Tiller, we are also on the Potty Train. I just got completely fed up with all things diaper - Changing them, smelling them, buying them. We bought a buttload of undies (pun intended) - Hello Kitty, Dora, etc. At first she was resistant, and at this point, she is peeing on the potty regularly, but we are having poop problems. She comes to us and says "I want to poop on the potty." We check her and she has already pooped in her undies. We tell her poop goes in the potty. She cries and says, "But i want to poop on the potty." We say, "You already pooped in your pants!" She falls on the ground and kicks her legs and flails around on the ground like a fish out of water. Repeat at least once a day, sometimes twice.

I know that sooner or later she will get it, but so far, we got nothin.' We're sticking with it, though, because as soon as we are off diapers, we are also going to stop getting the stupid plastic Kroger bags that we currently use to dispose of dirty diapers, and instead, we're gonna be all green, with cute totes to take to the grocery store.

That's what I call parental incentive to stick with potty training. It's all about the cute bag. Like this bitchin' number made by our friend Nikki in Seattle. She is very crafty, that Nikki. . . .

Sam

Sam
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl.

Today is one of those days that makes me angry with God, if there is one. It is one of those days that makes me think there probably isn't a God, and that we are all just ants in an anthill, amidst a field of anthills, and there are cows walking all over the field stepping on anthills left and right, and it is a complete fluke as to whether we will have our anthill stepped on today.

This is Sam. Sam lost his fight with brain and spine cancer this morning.

I didn't know Sam as well as I wish I knew Sam. Sam called my dog "sock" even though he knew that wasn't his name. I liked that about Sam. Sam always seemed like he was so happy to see me. He always asked about my kids and remembered their names.

He was one of those people that you meet and immediately like, one of the ones that lights up a room with their bright personality, who instantly made you feel like you knew them forever, and whom always made you feel included. I mentioned in another post that something made me think of Ross C. the other day; it was Sam that made me think of Ross. I was trying to think of how to describe Sam's special brand of happy that came with him everywhere. Sam had that same something that Ross has that made you want to be his friend and that made you feel special just by being around him. Sam had that something that made you feel like you were a better person just by having been around him for a few minutes.

Sam was only 31. Sam was one of the Auburn folks, a group of people that I make fun of left and right, but that I am so very blessed to have in my life. Sam was a husband and a dad to two little ones, and I am so very sad for his family and friends today, because I will miss him and i didn't even know him that well. I can't imagine how much they will miss him.

Even as sad as this makes me, and as confused and sick as his passing makes me, it also makes me think that maybe there is a God. Only a God could create so wonderful a soul, so bright a light in humanity. In the same way that I look at the multitude of flowers and plants and trees just in my backyard alone, knowing that they couldn't have been created out of nothing, I think that Sam did not come to us out of a vacuum, and that he is somewhere now, somewhere that i can't understand, but that I know in my heart must exist, a special place where he will be a joy for eternity, and where if we are very, very good, we will get to sit and talk to him again one day.