Sam

Sam
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl.

Today is one of those days that makes me angry with God, if there is one. It is one of those days that makes me think there probably isn't a God, and that we are all just ants in an anthill, amidst a field of anthills, and there are cows walking all over the field stepping on anthills left and right, and it is a complete fluke as to whether we will have our anthill stepped on today.

This is Sam. Sam lost his fight with brain and spine cancer this morning.

I didn't know Sam as well as I wish I knew Sam. Sam called my dog "sock" even though he knew that wasn't his name. I liked that about Sam. Sam always seemed like he was so happy to see me. He always asked about my kids and remembered their names.

He was one of those people that you meet and immediately like, one of the ones that lights up a room with their bright personality, who instantly made you feel like you knew them forever, and whom always made you feel included. I mentioned in another post that something made me think of Ross C. the other day; it was Sam that made me think of Ross. I was trying to think of how to describe Sam's special brand of happy that came with him everywhere. Sam had that same something that Ross has that made you want to be his friend and that made you feel special just by being around him. Sam had that something that made you feel like you were a better person just by having been around him for a few minutes.

Sam was only 31. Sam was one of the Auburn folks, a group of people that I make fun of left and right, but that I am so very blessed to have in my life. Sam was a husband and a dad to two little ones, and I am so very sad for his family and friends today, because I will miss him and i didn't even know him that well. I can't imagine how much they will miss him.

Even as sad as this makes me, and as confused and sick as his passing makes me, it also makes me think that maybe there is a God. Only a God could create so wonderful a soul, so bright a light in humanity. In the same way that I look at the multitude of flowers and plants and trees just in my backyard alone, knowing that they couldn't have been created out of nothing, I think that Sam did not come to us out of a vacuum, and that he is somewhere now, somewhere that i can't understand, but that I know in my heart must exist, a special place where he will be a joy for eternity, and where if we are very, very good, we will get to sit and talk to him again one day.